


Ardyn really, REALLY, hates flowers

by grammartian



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: (there is good reason for that), Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, OOC Ardyn, Spoilers, suicide warning? that is NOT how you solve problems ardyn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 12:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10100867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grammartian/pseuds/grammartian
Summary: Ardyn contracts the cursed Flower disease, which causes you to throw up flowers and, as he finds out, act and feel like a teenager in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SheerahChi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheerahChi/gifts).



Ardyn laughs around the flowers falling from his mouth. _This is ridiculous,_  he thinks, probably yet another of the Astrals' stupid ideas for punishment.

In his many years of life he's heard of the Flower disease, a cruel joke by fate, and he isn't sure if he'd like more to shake the hand of the one who came up with it, or strangle them now that he himself is afflicted.

No, he decides, strangulation is too merciful a death, and he throws up another stream of pink hyacinths.

He knows he has to find whoever caused this. He doesn't fear death, although choking on flowers doesn't seem like a very fun way to go. It definitely falls nowhere near his bottom ten, however.

Flower disease, he has observed in life, can only end in sorrow. Either the afflicted dies, or they kill their beloved in their desperation. He can't think of a time when a couple got their fairytale ending from this.

He doesn't want a fairytale ending, he just wants revenge, and peace. Instead he has this ludicrous curse.

He tries to end it by killing himself with a blade through the heart, but as soon as he wakes up again he lines the blackened forest floor with the small bright yellow flowers of forsythia. In his anger he casts a high-level fire spell and sets those accursed flowers and himself ablaze. Perhaps destroying his lungs would work.

He spends the next few hours dying in the fire and reviving, trapped under a fallen tree. He has no time to determine if this took care of his problem or not.

Everything around him is ash by the time he frees his arm enough to call a sword from his Armiger and cut away the tree. For a moment he thinks this took care of the flowers, but then he doubles over and from his mouth fall sunflower petals, stark yellow against the black ash. He snarls and crushes them under his boot.

It ends with a murder or death, and his death is still impossible, so he guesses murder will do. And he is going to make whoever it is suffer as much as he can. After all, he has all the time in the world.

 

\- - -

 

When it is time to meet the darling Prince and his boyband again, Ardyn feels uneasy. He cannot place the feeling, but it causes him to vomit some wolfsbane. He narrows his eyes at the flowers, then throws them away.

When the airship's back door opens and he meets Noctis's eyes, something clicks.

 ** _Fuck,_** he thinks eloquently, realising that Noctis is the cause of this new torture in his too long existence.

By some miracle, he doesn't feel a cough coming up and manages to say all the things he meant to, and of course the Advisor advises Noctis to go with him. No worry passes through his mind, this is his terrain, Noctis and his boys are at his mercy here.

And yet his dead heart beats faster than normal.

 

\- - -

 

 _This is absolutely ridiculous,_ Ardyn thinks, finding himself staring a little too much at Noctis from the safe distance he's watching him from, disguised as a normal pedestrian. He's following him to make sure he sails smoothly through gathering his powers.

That is definitely the only reason, because that has been his plan since the start. Although he did find out that being relatively close to Noctis eased his sickness, so that is one more reason for that. One other reason. The only other reason, he corrects himself.

He is going to make Noctis's life absolute hell.

 

\- - -

 

Ardyn sits and wonders, three tables away from Noctis and his boyband in a diner, if this illness will be terminal for him. Truly terminal, not simply kill him and let him revive again, only to continue. It would be caused by the Prince, so that could possibly happen... But he is not yet the King of Light, not fully.

He sighs into his cup of coffee.

He can't kill Noctis before he dies or he'll only get his revenge and no rest. He can't let this kill him either, or he would get only his rest and no revenge. He has not waited for so long to only achieve one of his goals.

He lets himself stare at Noctis as much as his eyes desire, his disguise featuring sunglasses this time. His hair looks so soft, makes you want to run your hands through it, and his lips...

His train of thought is interrupted when he realises all four men are staring at him. Then Noctis walks over and he notices he's been pouring his coffee into his lap.

_Curse it all._

'Hey, are you alright?' Noctis asks cautiously once he's close enough.

'Er, yes?' Ardyn replies, setting his cup down and taking a handful of napkins to clean his clothes. Why is his mouth so dry.

'You were staring at us...' Noctis trails off.

'Are you, by chance, Prince Noctis?' Ardyn asks, playing dumb. He is so glad he didn't make himself look old or unattractive, but not overly pretty.

The prince's face falls slightly, 'Am I really that obvious...'

'Yeah. But, I am surprised to meet you here! May I buy you lunch?'

'We just ate,' he answers, pointing with his thumb for the other three, who are all looking in their direction tensely.

'Well, then is there any way I could help you?' Ardyn asks and hopes that makes Noctis think of when they first met. He ignores how the boy licks his lips before he replies, yes, he doesn't see that at all.

'Niffs took our car, so if you have one we could use that'd be great.'

Ardyn mentally curses himself for driving them to the meteor instead of insisting on riding with them. No matter, he can just cast an illusion on his good old car as well.

'I do and I would be more than happy to be of service,' he says, smiling up at Noctis. 'When are we leaving?'

'We were going to leave a few minutes ago, but then Ignis noticed you've been staring at us and pouring your coffee on yourself.'

Ardyn lets out a nervous laugh, unsure exactly how much of it is acted, 'I wanted to know if my eyes weren't tricking me.'

Noctis raises his eyebrows and says, 'Anyway, I'll go tell them we have a ride,' then turns to leave.

'I'll be right there,' Ardyn says a little too enthusiastically. Oh how he wants to punch himself right now. Then punch Noctis. In the mouth. With his mouth. No, with his fist.

 

\- - -

 

Ardyn drove them around wherever they asked, and stayed behind in the car, trying not to show his hurt. Or feel it. Why is he feeling hurt from this. He drops his head onto the wheel in frustration, then feels another cough coming up. Lovely. Just how far away is the prince? He is getting the blessing of an Astral, he can't have wandered off that far...

He jumps out and into the storming rain, not wanting those cursed flowers anywhere near his car. No matter how much Ardyn coughs or how much he doubles over, however, whatever is suffocating him isn't budging. He doesn't want his cover to be blown this soon and sticks two fingers inside his throat, feeling the tip of a stalk. Even lovelier.

He grips it and pulls, finally unlodging it and then he is holding three 40-centimetre stalks of bright red gladiolas. He blinks at them, vaguely remembering one of Noctis's boyband members is called something like that.

He is snapped out of his thoughts when the prince appears again, victory in his smile and gait and Ardyn can feel the blessing of another god etched into his skin.

At least he was successful.

'Hey, you weren't waiting for us here in the rain, were you?' He asks, then looks questioningly at the flowers in his hand.

'No, of course not, but I noticed these off the road and just couldn't help myself. Flowers are a bit of a passion of mine, and I wanted to share them with you, if I may.' Ardyn can't be more thankful for the rain or how his illusion doesn't betray how his sides are as red as the flowers he's holding as he offers them to the prince.

Noctis looks at them, surprised, and his boys shift uncomfortably a bit behind him.

'I... uh, thanks?' He says, accepting them and with satisfaction Ardyn notices a blush creeping up his face. The tickle in his throat lessens a bit. Perhaps this won't be as hard as he thought.

'Where are we going next?' Ardyn asks with a smile and Noctis returns it and oh no.

'I think we've earned a rest,' he says, turning to his friends and they agree with different levels of enthusiasm.

Ardyn notices a bit of clumsiness in the prince's step as he takes his seat next to him, and he allows his stare to linger for a moment too long before they leave. He silently apologises to his car for letting the flowers in her anyway.

 

\- - -

 

They get two rooms in Lestallum, one with two double beds and one with just one. Ardyn ignores the jealousy rising in his chest when he briefly thinks Noctis would have to share a bed with one of his buddies, and has done so who knows how many times before.

If he plays his cards right, he might just change the sleeping arrangements tonight.

Once he settles and sees the two taller ones of Noctis's boys leaving the hotel, he casually walks over to his room and knocks on the door.

The blond one opens it, a bit puzzled to see him, but not as distrustful as the other two.

'Hey, you're our driver!' He jokes and a picture of him bruised up flashes through Ardyn's mind.

'One and only,' he says instead and peers inside. The flowers are on the table in the middle of the room, in a crystal vase. 'Is the prince here?'

'Yeah,' Blondie says and moves from the door to let him in.

Noctis is lying on his stomach on one of the beds, playing on his phone, somehow taking up all of it despite his small frame. Ardyn's eyes slide over his ass but he makes himself focus on his face. That doesn't do much for the heat creeping up his neck.

Noctis looks up from his phone and perks up a bit when their eyes meet.

'Hey,' he says. Eloquent.

'Hello, prince,' Ardyn says with the most genuine smile he's had in centuries. 'I was hoping you'd indulge me for a bit.'

'In what?'

'A walk in the town.'

He thinks for a moment, eyes darting to Blondie who doesn't seem sure of what to do with his face, then looks back at Ardyn. 'Sure, let me get my shoes.'

When they are out, Ardyn already can't feel his face. He doesn't think he's smiled so much in literal ages, and it is as infuriating as it is... dare he say, nice?

He discovers Noctis is actually an interesting conversation partner, and he allows him to kick his ass at some boring arcade games, since it lets him watch the sparkle of victory in his eyes, and his practiced movements and... Oh, is there any point in denial anymore?

At least there have been no flowers since they went out, and the tickle in his throat seems to be disappearing...? Unless he is imagining it.

Noctis's phone rings and he picks up, slight annoyance in his voice as he says, 'Yeah, Ignis, I'm still with-' he pauses, then continues. 'No, I won't come for dinner. No, don't wait for me. Yes, I know. Yes, don't worry- Ignis. Yes. See ya later.'

'Everything alright, prince?' Ardyn asks as he slips the phone back in his pocket with a sigh, turns to Ardyn and says, 'Yeah, don't worry.'

Then he asks, 'You up for a burger? My treat,'

'Of course,' Ardyn nods.

'Oh, and by the way?'

'Hm?'

'You can call me Noct.' He says with a smile unlike the others he's already given him.

**Author's Note:**

> My only excuse for this is that I thought it's hilarious. I know Ardyn is kind of OOC, but it's all because of that pesky flower sickness and it'll stop once Noct realises how great a guy he is. Hah.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. I don't know when the next chapter will be ready, but it miiight make the rating go up a bit, wink.


End file.
